sex+sensibility

43. Happy V[ideo]-Day

2012-02-14T13:22:00.001-08:00

These three videos that have made me happy over the years need no introduction (besides that they need no introduction).

Have fun and be happy (it's a choice).

42. A Sweet Sweet Suspense Short...-ish

2012-01-25T03:07:00.000-08:00

I have been putting this post off because I am too excited. But, I think this is the right time as things are falling into place and... if they don't keep falling into place I will just take them and shove them into place and it will hopefully work just as well. Again, too excited.

I am gathering a fantastic team to shoot a short suspense film (that I don't want to call a short film, but instead call the first installment of a segmented feature released online – I will get to that later). This visual story will be called "Sweet Desert Palm". The script was inspired by a modern music video idea I had for Nancy Sinatra's version of "Bang Bang", combined with a sweet trip my lovely mother and I took to the desert.

SWEET DESERT PALM:
A young woman who grew up in the desert has a secret palm tree oasis. But when she falls in love with a boy and he betrays her beloved sanctuary, she snaps.

Here is what the opening card will read: "Between 1940 and 2010 there were four recorded fires at the 49 Palms Oasis. One was ruled arson, but was never solved."

This is the story about a moment of realization which ends up being traumatic and crime-ridden. This is the beginning of her journey and the downfall of her psyche. This project began as a short film but I soon realized that I am losing my desire to submit my work to film festivals. Festivals are becoming too competitive, too few are able to give the opportunity to be seen beyond its screens – especially short work, and then there are those sad submission rules that keep me from publicly displaying my work online. The internet is the future (mostly).

I watch Hulu all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's a problem. But seriously, I want more drama online. I need the stories to be shorter than most dramas to allow me time for the rest of my life. Much short segmented content on the Web is comedy because that works in quick spurts. I love drama, suspense, and crime but those are often just parodied or done poorly online.

I would like to bring short form drama to the Web with my work. Drama may be harder to produce than comedy and/or to find consistent followers for. It takes time for audiences to "get to know" a character. However, I set out to produce stories that I love and that I connect with and I have no idea how to do anything else. I want to start this process now, work out the major issues and kinks to keep on pushing those pieces into place. A good story is a good story. I will work the rest around that.

While in proeproduction, I will be watching these guys: Film Riot produce amazing suspense/comedy fun paired with tips on how to create great effects for cheap. I just watched all of their available episodes on Virgin America's "Best of the Web" in-flight entertainment segments. They are up for a Webby.

41. Comedy Pilot Edit!

2012-01-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

I would like to share a comedy pilot that I was one of the editors on. Written & Produced by Kara Luiz and Tess Barker. Starring Kara Luiz, Tess Barker, Mo Mandel and Skylar Astin. Directed by Oren Kaplan (who recently directed the feature film The Hammer). Fun stuff :)

40. Keep "Your Friends Close..." NOT

2012-01-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

In this fabulous New Year I have begun the job of editing a "relationship driven suspenseful" indie feature film. Right... It's a film that takes place entirely in one house, where a husband and wife video game developing team are about to throw a going away party for themselves. They are embarking on a six-month produce-their-video-game journey in Paris, France.

The invitees include a sibling, old high school rivals (I mean... friends), co-workers, gay co-workers, ex-lovers/co-workers, and the assistant to the husband who is –never mind spoiler alert. This is the story of a game invented and, unfortunately for the guests at the party and its creators, played out psychologically at this drunken "celebration" of success. It is a film where the audience discovers more about every character when another moves them like a pawn.

We like them all and hate them all - which is what great modern character filmmaking is all about. There are no evil villans when Dexter cuts someone's throat and we cheer. "Your Friends Close" is not a violent film despite the many victims. Everyone has a hand to play.

For me, deciding who plays their hand when and how is both mentally enriching and exhausting. The mental and emotional battle between the husband and wife comes to a head in the last act when all secrets explode! The fate of their relationship lies in their ability to survive the blast )which is the same as figuring out if they know each other as well as they thought they did).

I wish I could tell you more, but right now I don't know all the answers, or even the questions... and I signed something hush hush anyway.

Until next time...

39. The Paper-Crane-Law-&-Order-Dragon-Tattoo Rape Phenomenon

2012-01-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

I am a female interested in myself and my sex. I am a writer and a director and a frequent viewer of films and TV. I can't help but notice the Paper-Crane-Law-&-Order-Dragoon-Tattoo Rape Phenomenon. I don't know if it's my viewing habits or an actual pattern, but women are seeming to have a more and more frequent and free voice when it comes to the creative expression of rape.

I am almost unhealthily obsessed with Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (SVU). I am drawn to detective Olivia Benson with her no compromised and even flawed, "these victims need a voice," attitude. She tries to avenge her own past experiences and... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but she tries and we love her for it.

Recently, the U.S. version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo came out and [SPOILER ALERT] it deals heavily with a rape scene that, arguably, drives the main character's avenging (or even revenging) actions. We understand her because we've seen this scene, despite the fact that we didn't want to and we are officially in her shoes.

I recently came in contact with an NYU student through X-Factor Filmmakers who is making a film called Paper Crane. This film's trailer struck me and I will be talking to writer/director Christine Sciortino about being involved somehow. This version of attempted rape avenging is very different than in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Please read what Ms. Sciortino has to say below:

"The film is about a girl who confronts the man who raped her and the conversation that changes both their lives. This is an outlet that can change the way we talk (or don't talk) about sexual violence and can empower women of all ages. I think this is a really important piece for opening up a dialogue about a subject that is too often considered a taboo.

I went to NYU where I fell in love with film - everything about it! I also studied Gender Studies and became a huge advocate for women's rights and sexual health. I found myself teaching for Peer Health Exchange - an amazing organization that provides health workshops to schools that don't have mandated health programs. While teaching high school freshmen in PHE, I was amazed at some of the things I learned from my students in our Rape and Sexual Assault Awareness workshop.

Many of my students believed that rape only happened when women were dressed provocatively walking home alone at night and were grabbed out of an alley. The reality is that 8 out of 10 rapes are acquaintance rapes and that rape affects people of all ages, sizes, and genders. Some of my students thought that it was okay for the guy to force a girl to have sex if he had spent a lot of money on the date. I was amazed by these attitudes, most of which, the students had learned from the media. The news often refers to rape as one person "having sex" with another, and uses words like "fondling," both of which actually imply intimacy. Rape is not sex, but it seems people are afraid to distinguish between them.

I believe art - and especially film - can be an amazing outlet for social change. So let's change the way the media talks about rape and inspire both men and women to do the same! I see this film circulating in film festivals around the country - even around the world - particularly those that honor women in the arts. If, after seeing this film, even one rape survivor feels compelled to tell his or her story and speak out about something too often stifled, Paper Crane will have been a success. Please help us open this dialogue by supporting the project on Kickstarter and feel free to check out www.papercranefilm.com for more information!

Thanks so much for your interest and support!

xo,

Christine"

38. Expose Me

2011-12-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

My dad and I have been running X-Factor Filmmakers for a few years now. We ask women who are directing films to send us an email with the subject "Expose My Film Please," if they would like us to let people know via Facebook and Twitter about their work.

Our latest request comes from Gabriella Moses, who is working on her NYU thesis film. It sounds like a blast so hear what Gabriella has to say:

Las Mañanitas is the NYU Thesis film of Gabriella A. Moses. It's a coming of age fairy tale set in 1960s New York City about Ana Isabel, a young lady on the cusp of womanhood, tempted to lose her virginity on the night of her Quinceañera, that is, until the unexpected visit from the Virgin Mary in a frying pan makes her think twice.

Visit our website at www.lasmananitasfilm.com and IndieGoGo campaign at http://www.indiegogo.com/Las-Mananitas?a=266073

Las Mañanitas IndieGoGo Pitch from Gabriella Moses on Vimeo.

She had me at "Virgin Mary in a frying pan," and she's great on camera in her IndieGoGo campaign video. Please update us on your film Gabriella!

Lauren & Rick

37. IT IS HERE

2011-12-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

We have been working for months...

Blood sweat and tears... (hopefully not tears actually)...

And now we present to you...

Brad Standley & The Foxflies

Directed by Anaïs Godard

"Tik Tok Nation"

If you like it please share it! Thank you to all.

36. Big New Love (Boom 2.0)

2011-12-05T17:53:00.000-08:00

Before I post about any other strong female characters that came previously, I want to share this trailer about the ones to come. I had my doubts because I thought I had seen this story before. It's not one I would write because I don't relate on the physical level – but it's about love, and that is universal.

This trailer and the reviews for this female directed film prove that it's not the story, but how it's told that makes it great. Besides, it's sexy ;)

Maryam Keshevarz:

Writer/Director of Circumstance

Hopefully a big bada boom.

35. "Big Bada Boom"

2011-12-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

There is a young photographer named Karla Read whose photos I came across. I picked out the ones that were speaking to me, something about their attitudes struck me:

Get this damn thing off me.

You watch out. I might just turn into a superhero.

WHAT.

I don't care who sees me!

Make me move and you die.

God, this crisp air/open yellow jacket can't be more... freeing.
Photos from : here

Just don't constrain me. Ever. Because I will get out and I will be mad.

Karla Read made me think about the film I want to make about a teen girl in the desert who loves her palm tree oasis, it is her sanctuary. But when she falls in love with a boy and he burns her oasis, she cracks. It's called Sweet Desert Palm. I am finding inspiration from the amazing female characters I've grown up watching. Here is one...

Milla Jovovich as "Leeloo" in the The Fifth Element.

She doesn't even speak English and I identify with her.

What is so great about her is that she shows such a wide range
of emotions in this film and yet still kicks ass.

Amazing. More to come this week on my amazing female characters.

33. Listen Dammit

2011-10-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

Psst... Yeah? Shhhhhut up! What? WHAT?! I can't hear her...

I have a heart and a body and a mind and they compete for my attention. I have to listen to all of them and that is very hard. It's as if I have three mildy intelligent children who have not fully developed and I've realized that they may never ever, mature. Oh well, might as well enjoy them. If I can't beat 'em...

This is my rediscovery of identity and the deep dark reflection of all the parts of me. They are coming out in my moods, while running, my clothes, conversations, film characters, and now... drawings.

I went to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) today to see the Tim Burton exhibit. I was crammed in between what was most likely a few hundred people at $20 each (a very profitable exhibit for the art people I must say) and I didn't care. I shared "Ooos and Ahhs" with some fellows and I saw things in person that I've seen on the screen, like from one of my favorites "The Nightmare Before Christmas".

But quickly, I no longer heard the people nor felt them. I was alone. What I wasn't expecting was the vast amount of drawings and Burton brain-think, feeling, and guts that were on display for me. I was in his world and no one else could touch me (speaking of, there was a pregnant bubble bride with a see-through womb and babies heads attached to mechanical feeding pipes, I was so damn hooked). I knew him and he knew me. I took my grandfather phone out and thieved some of my favorites for inspiration. I would share them with you but I can't get them out of my grandfather and besides, I don't feel like sharing my things.

I did find this online! This is one of the ones I snapped. Apparently someone else thinks it's theirs too:

While most people's pets look like them, Tim Burton's drawings adopt a resemblance...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1331657/Helena-Bonham-Carter-I-need-help-better-mother.html

The others below are mine. I just needed to draw. I have a drawing and painting background and when I found film I abandoned them 'cept for the occasional birthday/Christmas gift painting for my boyfriend. I was fine with this, until tonight.

Do you see the bubble birthing word vomit and fiery blue drip drops? That's right.

YES.

32. Hello, I'm a filmmaker #**$% wait... I mean director

2011-10-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

I want to be a happy filmmaker. I want you to read this and think, she's got something... I don't know what yet, but it's something so I'll come back and read more. I want this because I am a filmmaker and filmmakers need vaildation. We do it for us, yes, but we also do it for you (which in turn is for us). I am being very open with you because I think it is important for me to express what I want. This is a blog aimed at and mostly contributed to by women filmmakers. It is not feminist in the stereotypical sense of the word, meaning that we blame men. We don't.

Women are barely directing. I want to direct. What slows me down? Confidence. (This is a tough concept to put into words without them being twisted or even finding the right words to begin with – if they exist.) I tend to feel a slight lack of confidence and observe a lack of confidence in women compared to the confidence I tend to observe in men.

Fix it! That is my goal with this blog.

I am a filmmaker who is a female. Before sophomore year in college I was just a filmmaker and after that, I labeled myself. I was of course female before that, as is evident from my appearance, but I wasn't comparing myself sexually. I only began to when I realized female numbers were low in directing. I started a company that supported women in film by provding financing for them. It felt wrong. What felt great was talking to those a few years younger than me and giving them advice.

Yesterday a peer, only a year younger than me, told me she is interested in filmmaking. Great! Cool. Why? She is a photographer who just finished undergrad in sociology. Great, applicable. She doesn't know what grad film schools to apply to. "The top five," I told her. I didn't, I should have – confidence. "Apply to others too, but try the top five."

I asked, "What do you want to do in filmmaking?" She said something like, "Well directing is the ultimate but other than that, editing..."

Okay cool... Editing is great, I do that a lot. Cinematography is great, producing, whatever you want... what was that first thing you said?

You want it? Claim it. This equals confidence, real or perceived. I've seen it over and over. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I told people I was an editor. Then I saw what jobs I was getting. Editing jobs. Oh crap. My bad.

"I'M A DIRECTOR!"

Confidence. I sometimes say "filmmaker" because I also write and edit but I do not shy away from "director" anymore. I would like to communicate with you more later about this when I have something else to say and I give myself the confidence to say it.

Please comment.

Image found at: http://www.guardian.co.uk/voluntary-sector-network/2010/dec/16/charities-media-news-pr

31. Dear Steve,

2011-10-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

What I wrote to rememberingsteve@apple.com.

Dear Steve,

I have been an Apple baby since the day I was born. I've only owned Apples. I worked at one of the retail stores in Los Angeles to support myself until I could be a full time editor. I am now a director and I have learned a lot from you and your company, especially about commercials and marketing. You have inspired a generation in more ways than you know. I am glad you are resting now. You deserve it.

Yours,

Lauren T.

Found this on Twitter. Sigh.

30. Understanding the other side, or your own.

2011-10-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

I don't want to talk too much about this video. It speaks for itself. Sheryl Sandberg: COO of Facebook, great speaker, great points, she leaves you thinking no matter what gender. If you are a woman, girl, or look like anything female, think about your own actions in regards to this and if you are a male think about your everyday perceptions of women – conscious or subconscious. This is a serious topic and everyone should be very aware of the facts so we can change the world. That's all I'm going to say because I'm not so serious. Though I am very serious about this.

Boom. Comment.

29. Say it to my face.

2011-09-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes letting go of your ego is what you think you should do, but knowing your ego is better.

I do a lot of thinking. I sit and I think, I watch TV and I think, I listen and I think, and I think a lot before doing. Sometimes I think too much before doing. When my thinking is clouded by jealousy and a great want I am paralyzed. I stop making decisions. I am a confident person by nature and nurture so I don't know who I am when I can't find my confidence. Sometimes I successfully fake confidence and it finds its way back to me and other times I defend it and it cowers in a corner. Getting it out of the corner to tell me how it feels is rough. I ask why it's upset and scared. I have to ask why it hasn't just pushed through like it usually does. Often scratching on paper or banging on my keyboard helps to hash out my issues but if I wrote all that on this blog, you might not recognize me. My confidence wants to be seen a certain way and if it isn't being seen that way, it sits and thinks and tries to figure out a way to be seen that way. The problem is, being seen in a positive light means admitting it hasn't been. "Change me," it begs, and when I listen even for a moment it latches on with huge sharp teeth. The change can be a quick sharp pain or it can gradually rip at my seams. Sometimes it is a very conscious intentional change and other times I am talking to someone and I find myself realizing things about myself I never thought I'd admit.

I recently changed, a lot. I'm changing everyday, but this time it was worth writing about. I don't know why I need to write for the public. That's a lie, I do. I need to be seen a certain way. But this blog an attempt to be seen in an honest and transparent way. It's an experiment I am doing on myself, and I think it is working...

Thank you to all who have changed me.

Say it to my face dammit!

Get over it.

Okay let's talk.

You can do it. Yes, I swear. Go on!

28. Makeup for a music video, or should I say a Music Film?

2011-09-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

I am so damn excited! Excuse me – No don't! This will be my biggest directing project yet in Los Angeles. I am directing one of two music videos with another director (also female) and for a great band. They are called Brad Standley & The Foxflies. Listen to the original song "I Kinda Like".

Check out the makeup test shots we took this morning:

Brad is the lead singer and a toy guitar player/singer in this video!

Lashes suggest mimes so we are going to change them slightly.

Happy, more alive toy Brad (you'll see how this comes into play in the video).

Celia getting her "perfect" doll look for the end of the video.

Trying on some crazy lashes to get that baby doll effect.

"Badass" Ricardo figuring out his foundation base. He will have sunglasses,
as he always does but they will be more old school than these. Also, see me in the reflections?! Boom.

Also, what is very exciting is that we are not shooting on digital. We are shooting on Super 16. This is what they shot a lot of BLACK SWAN on, also a ballet focused theme. Couldn't be more excited. Stay tuned!

27. wicked [cool] and wicked scary.

2011-08-25T18:12:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles is often billed as the "Creative Capital of the World", due to the fact that one in every six of its residents works in a creative industry. According to the USC Stevens Institute for Innovation, "there are more artists, writers, filmmakers, actors, dancers and musicians living and working in Los Angeles than any other city at any time in the history of civilization."

YouTube is often billed as the "Creative Hub of the World", due to the fact that one in every six of its videos is actually creative. According to me, spoofing the above paragraph my roommate posted on Facebook, "there are more artists, writers, filmmakers, actors dancers and musicians creating and sharing on YouTube than anywhere else at any time in the history of civilization."

That's wicked [cool] and wicked scary. My dad always says, "You are becoming a filmmaker at the right time. There are so many ways to share your work." While there are indeed unthinkable amounts of ways to share, there's also an unthinkable amount of people trying to. Without a studio backing me I am left to tread in the open waters with bunch of other crazies.

Some of them swim by me and some swim over me and splash water in my mouth, making it harder to stay afloat. But there are those who I doggie paddle closer to, follow for a while and learn from. Others I swim alongside for a long while and we work together.

Bridget Colella – roommate, friend, actress and stylist... see post...

"i believe in you. thats why we're friends."

also Anaïs Godard – my big sista in attitude and other directorially creative things...

Corey Hoffstein – the most creative left brained genius I will ever meet and killer at knowing what I need help with before I do...

Samantha Zachrich – the girl I've been around for six years but seriously known for two... and I'm super glad I do.

These are among the people I swim alongside. We all struggle to get our talents and work recognized. YouTube is great but none of us have gone viral. Although we could if I dared Bridget to get naked and run around in public. Somehow I don't think this is what we are going for.

But recently we have made a breakthrough. Anaïs and I are going to each direct a music video for the new band Brad Standley & The Foxflies and Bridget is going to style the shoots. We love the band (saw them last night at the Viper Room) and want to help them take the next step while we take our own. We've raised the funds entirely through social networking and online support from people who understand what we are doing. We now must take to researching hugely popular bloggers and anyone/thing else that can get the videos recognized on a massive level once completed.

Brad sings! Check it out.

But we need to reach the right people. As Corey says, there is a difference between clicks and quality clicks. Are the people who click on the videos those who will like Brad's music and pass it along? We need to find the right people treading in the World Wide Web. There are platforms opening up, or rather narrowing, that allow people to focus on what's really important to them.

We shall see what happens with our project but I have a good feeling that we are swimming with the right people in the right places.

26. A mouth full of butter.

2011-07-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

So I went to see a super-secret-pre-screening of Butter (see post 25) where they made my friends and I sign nondisclosure agreements saying that we wouldn't talk about the film... and so I write.

We had to sit in the very first row as all the empty sections we wandered to seemed to be "Reserved for Production". The director was probably coming and I had a flash of what it would be like to be the director at an event like that. I would be sitting in the dark with sweaty palms waiting to see how my audience would react to my giant baby.

I was nervous for Butter but it picked up quickly and the comedy I remember from the script flew off the page and into my ears. I laughed hard. Butter was coming out my mouth. The comedy went beyond what I remember. It pushed it more toward the edges, which was fun.

As soon as I was laughing, I no longer noticed how distorted Jennifer Garner's face looked from the low angle I bent my head up from. At the end of the movie they asked us to fill out surveys about how to improve the film in specific ways and spots. It got so detailed as to rate character relationships in the film, some of which will make you smile, say, "Awwww," and then pee your pants.

I usually take a very long time with these surveys knowing how valuable they can be and my roommate finished and said while rolling her eyes, "I'm going to the bathroom." Before I was quite done, a woman with a clipboard came up to me and asked what I rated the film. "Excellent," I told her. She asked me to stay for a more in depth, focus group after the film.

"Yes ma'am."

I made my friends stay with me and we answered questions and raised our hands and gave advice. I was in heaven and I learned a lot about audiences. This was a group tailored more toward the higher ratings of the film (though they had a range and one guy rated it 'fair'). Audiences know more than you think. They are reactive and also very creative. They will know if something feels wrong and often have a solution. The solution may not be the right one but in a room full of people at least a few are possibilities.

I think this film will improve dramatically before release, as it has no major flaws. You will enjoy it.

Off to Harry Potter Part 7: Part I with Corey. I have been impressed, as of late, with the former two Harry Potter films. Wish this final one good luck! (Though I hear it doesn't need it.)

24. Meatballs & Cake

2011-07-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

So... 24 comes after 25. That's right. I posted blog 25 before blog 24. I meant to write blog 25, save it and then write 24 and post them in order. However, I was rushed on a plane and the pilot told me I had to put away my electronic devices... and I forgot. So here is the out of place, in more ways than one, blog post 24.

I went to Raleigh, NC to visit my longtime neighbor and girlfriend Ingrid who is living the dream in a recently purchased three bedroom house without furniture. She just graduated from nursing school and passed her nursing tests (I forget what those are called). Altogether, we really did do a whole lot of nothing and it really was awesome. I think I needed it.

Raleigh is an interesting place. It's spread out and feels almost rural in places but every structure is so brand-spanking new it's hard to tell if you are in a rural America, suburbia or a city. Ingrid explained some of the stereotypes of Raleigh like people putting large shiny rims on small cars from the 90s. This results in Griddy, as I affectionately call her, yelling out of her car window, "Why do you put *&%#@!^ rims on your Honda!"

Ingrid cooks for herself and others and I like to watch her, as I know nothing of this science. I take in why she adds what she does and observe the results. That night we had meatballs and cake. Not together, though later they would be. She let me roll the meat into balls and lick the very red velvet batter.

We sat outside and drank wine and ate cheese but not for too long because it was 100 degrees and oppressively humid–also the reason why we never made it to her community pool but spent more time in her air conditioned bedroom on one of her only pieces of furniture, her bed. In front of this bed is a huge flatscreen on cardboard boxes. We watched hours of "Mystery Diagnosis" where Griddy learned much about the rarer diseases of her field and I put myself in the loved ones shoes during their plight. I asked her a lot of medical questions and assured her I'd come back for more when I would need some medical insight for a film.

We got full-body couples massages, ate Cold Stone and watched Harry Potter Part 7: Part 1. This followed my watching of Harry Potter Part 6 in Jersey City, NJ with my other girlfriends and is preceding the watching of Harry Potter Part 7: Part 2 here in Los Angeles, probably with some more girlfriends. The filmmaking and acting in this series really has gotten better over the years. I am truly enjoying the films as films now, rather than movies.

On my second and last night in Raleigh, we went out for drinks. It was an empty Tuesday and our dressing up seemed for naught. But the bartender was a friendly girl with an incessant need to refill our sangría glasses and we talked about the locals that trickled in. On the drive back home Griddy turned to me with a smile and said, "I just burped and it tasted like meatballs and cake." I smiled back and though I couldn't think of anything more upsetting to my stomach I was happy too.

Thanks Griddy.

25. Loving butter at 30,000 feet.

2011-07-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

So I entered the new age by going wifi on my flight back to L.A. My attempt was to Skype with Corey but using the video function was unsuccessful so there was a lot of AIM-style chatting (which is still cool at 30,000 feet). I checked my email and Facebooked with my roommate who told me that my ride from the airport had car troubles and couldn't pick me up. I replied, "Oh no! Tell her I'll take a cab". Also, I blogged–am blogging...

Currently, I am listening to someone from somewhere around the world DJ classical music on Turntable.fm (classical because Jane Ayre just played on the flight). Turntable.fm is a new site that allows users to DJ in designated genre rooms for other users who listen and rate. I listen to the Dubstep room a lot when getting ready for my day (or night) and the Blues room when I know Corey is DJing from Boston (he introduced me to this awesome website).

While checking my email inflight I received an invite to a pre-screening in L.A (where the filmmakers screen a film to get audience reactions before making their final changes). The screening was for a "New Comedy Movie". I reluctantly clicked thinking it would be another poorly done Hollywood comedy that frequently gives this town a bad name.

But it said, "You've been invited to a screening of BUTTER". I literally, out loud said, "No f*ing way". Sorry Mom... but Butter holds a special place in my Hollywood heart. Over a year ago my Grandma's friend's grandson who lives in L.A. (yes, that's how I met him) sent me a script he got his hands on. He said it was on the Black List, a top secret super spy list...

From blcklst.com:

"THE BLACK LIST was compiled from the suggestions of over 300 film executives, each of whom contributed the names of up to ten of their favorite scripts that were written in, or are somehow uniquely associated with, (insert year) and will not be released in theaters during this calendar year... Since its inception, dozens of screenplays that appeared on the list have been optioned, produced, and released, many to great commercial success."

A year ago I read Butter aloud with my brother. We took turns kind of like a play, and we loved it. It had a sweet and vengefully playful ending like any good indie comedy. In fact, it was so indie I was afraid it would never get made and prepared myself for its fate. But here I am flying back to movie homeland and hear this fantastic news. I immediately RSVPed to the screening and I will be going tomorrow night. Talk about good timing.

Here is a list of the last few year's Black Lists. Don't be surprised if you recognize a few : )

2008

2009

2010

Enjoy.

23. My Traveling Bed Blog: So many beds. So little time.

2011-07-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

In my trip from LA to the East Coast and all over I have slept in or on a total of nine beds or air mattresses. I paid to stay in or on none of them.

On June 29th I flew home to video a friend's wedding and made a trip of it visiting my family, my boyfriend in Boston, my grandparents in New Jersey (with boyfriend), his friends in NYC, my friends in NYC, Jersey City, NJ and Raleigh, North Carolina. Everyone welcomed me with open arms no matter if they had to work or hadn't seen me in years. I got to wander my friend's cities and explore their worlds, maybe not from their point of view (though sometimes I got to experience that) but certainly from a different view. Life is different everywhere but humans are the same. The emotions are the same.

Film is all about seeing life from behind someone else's eyes and experiencing emotions through their heart. I try to travel as much as possible, not to see the sights so much as, to be the people. I would rather live in a few places for a month at a time than go to many places for a week at a time. Yes, I love European architecture like the rest of us, but I study people and create new people to the best of my ability. I can't do that without experiencing them in as much detail as possible.

Having perspective on the other creative capital of our country (NYC) is invaluable. I see how NYC and L.A. are different, at least from my small view point, which will help tremendously in my writing. My friend Samantha and I are writing a TV pilot about three young women who try to make it in creative fields in Los Angeles. We want to call is "Lala Land" but it seems there's a show on Showtime with the name already. I love the name so much I'd wait for that show to get cancelled. Lala Land: the place where people come to dream and live in the clouds above anyone else's reality! I'll be talking to my uncle the copyright lawyer about our options.

In our story, these three girls try to stay friends in a city where everyone is selfish. It is "Sex and the City" but 15 years earlier meets "Shameless" (a gritty Showtime show about a girl who has to keep her financially unstable father and family afloat – she does it with guts, a sarcastic sense of humor and raunchy fun).

When writing, we take advantage of a lot of stereotypes in L.A. and expose others for what they really are. Being in NYC and hearing what people think of L.A. and how creative mentalities are different will help us shape the point of view of the three woman who came from the East Coast and the Midwest to the big bad city of Los Angeles.

IMPORTANT: I have people to thank for letting me sleep in their beds and for teaching/showing me wonderful new things...

Mom, Dad
Alex, for the space on the floor with the air mattress
Corey
Grandma, Papa
Ben, Jani
Lindsey, Giles
Amanda, Bri, Gill
Griddy

Pictures from:
http://arrestedmotion.com/2009/02/preview-mark-rydens-snow-yak-show-in-tokyo/

22. 07.15.2012

2011-07-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

EXT: PATIO - FRIDAY NIGHT
Sitting around a glass table while barbecuing in Jersey City...

AMANDA: college roommate + soccer teammate, graphic designer, single but somewhat satisfied, no longer brings men over to Grandpa's
GILLIAN: college soccer teammate, art teacher, recently single + mingling
HEATHER: met tonight, friend of Gillian, environmental lawyer/community relations coordinator + sustainability officer (enforcing sustainability with whip + fire), formerly sexy bacon, recently single and doesn't know if she wants to mingle... maybe just sizzling bacon... crushing some art dude... taking over Lauren's blog
LAUREN: me, visiting Amanda + Gillian, film director/writer/editor, just visited Hogwarts (Time Square) with Gillian, doesn't know what the sorting hat would tell her... currently creating birthday gift for spouse

On the back of a NYC bookstore receipt scribbled in red pen is:

7/15/11
prediction in one year
Amanda
-> serious relationship, dog, professionally... not where I am now
Gillian
-> ~~3rd yr charter sch~~
running charter school
-> ~~seri~~ Mario
Heather
paid job
-> either in a relationship or just out of a long term relationship (which means she has to get into one tomorrow)
Lauren
-> written first feature
grad school?

Heather slips the receipt through the metal grate of their tiny grill and lights it on fire. Now, no one but everyone online will know.

END SCENE.

Our plan for the near future may seem spur of the moment, messy and insignificant. It may well be the first two, but it most definitely is not the latter. Kathryn Bigelow's MoMA exhibit (that I happily attended today) proves this. On her first film her storyboards (preliminary illustrations that determine the shots of a film) were scratched on looseleaf paper. Word. We may not be in those exact said places in one year but knowing that we want something means we can aim for it. Next step: planning (blog post to come).

21. i dk y but i knw evrythng

2011-07-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Each generation feels they are entitled to the here and now. The thing is, everyone is entitled (or no one is). However, there is some force that seems to push the previous generation out and feed the new one incessantly. The younger have a severe appetite and will eat and become overly full and need to perform some sort of release (that the world then is privy to experiencing).

Sometimes the colors that come out are lovely. Mixtures of reds and bright oranges (Zuckerberg - or rather blue and white). Other times it is pee yellow and puke green ("Friday" by Rebeca Black). No matter how brilliant or dull the color, the elder generation often lifts up their feet up to avoid contact with the sticky eruptions of the younger.

There is so much miscommunication in the world but I will focus on the miscommunication of close quartered generations. I am from the younger generation and interact very much with the older. We live in the same world, in the same cities, even in the same houses. I work with people older than me who listen to musicians we can only now see on YouTube (when I see the elder generation searching the interwebs for their favorites I joyfully weep). Imagine how much more would be understood if we could just talk to each other and have both doors be wide open. Parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren, students and teachers, bosses and employees, republicans and democrats–nope, wait that's another problem.

I know I have a lot to learn from those born before me and I have learned a lot already. But they have a lot to learn from us. There are so many ideas and ideals we have shaped by borrowing from the previous generation and adjusting them to fit the new world and to make them better. Better, is of course a relative term and there is much we are doing that will not turn out to be better, or may turn out to be worse, but writing off a young idea is not the answer to the potential chaos of youth.

Cliché here we come: The future of the world lies in our young hands and before we know it, it will lie in our kids' tiny hands. So we'd better remember how we wished our parents or boss would have listened to us and also appreciate when they did. Our children's entitlement to the here and now is our future and I'd prefer to share their time with them then send them off saying, "Those damn kids!"

20. Creating in Public

2011-07-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

The purpose of this post is to discuss the pros and cons of the following concept:
What if a filmmaker shared all of his or her ideas with the world (or an interested community) before they were fully developed?

I have been toying with the idea of sharing all of my film ideas on this blog. I share some with the closest of friends and my boyfriend (a very creative big picture minded guy). This is now a world where many people work alone from a computer, as I am now, and connecting with the world can give greater perspective. However, this means that anyone could have access to my ideas if they so chose. That would be the first thing out of many people's mouths, especially those of generations before mine.

Below, I list the 'Cons' first because I prefer to leave you with the 'Pros'. I want this to work. Having people to share with motivates me to brainstorm. Also, the polling of a opinions can leave me with better ideas as well as the ranking of most popular ideas (ie: sellable ideas).

CONS
1. Stolen seed ideas (though this would be the first counter argument against sharing ideas I and my boyfriend believe this is barely a threat).
2. A bashing of ideas too early in the brainstorming process that discourage ideas.
3. Brand risk (exposing ideas and thoughts and opinions to early or too much can cause negative reaction from investors, producers, etc...).

PROS
1. Feedback (negative, positive or constructive is all a 'Pro').
2. Motivation to work, so that I can show people I am doing something.
3. Polling interest of public and industry people in each idea.
5. Brand development (people get to know me and the way I think before they meet me).
4. Fun (for me, this might be the most important aspect as it ties into motivation).

Corey (boyfriend) just read an article in Inc. magazine, titled Ankur Jain's Perpetual-Motion Win-Win Machine, that mentions this very idea of sharing. The young entrepreneur Ankur Jain and his friends are highlighted as the article states,
"... I heard the guys pitch their game changers to the older conferencegoers... and to one another, again and again, refining their pitches, practicing, looking for advice on how to improve, unafraid that they might spoil their chances by talking about their ideas too soon. They're trusting. The potential benefit of strangers' connections or advice outweighs the risk that someone might steal their idea..." One of Jain's friends then states, "And even if someone wants to steal it, fine. I can execute it better. All I care about is creating the best thing".

After all, this would be fun. It would be fun to discuss and, in a sort of dangerous way, fun to take the risk. As I see it, a risk worth taking. I guess we'll see.

If you have more items to list under each category let me know:

Twitter: laurentracyfilm

19. "What's your name, bro?"

2011-07-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today at 10:42 am EST I received a voicemail message on my cell from a 2nd AD (2nd assistant director who is in charge of organizing and rallying much of a film set). He was looking for a "Craig" to let him know that his location had been moved last minute. I am not Craig so it seemed this AD got my number instead of this Craig's.

At first I assumed Craig's number was just one number off of mine, a common mistake. So I picked up the phone to let the AD know. If I hadn't, Craig would be wandering around the big city of Los Angeles – or so I thought. Before I finished dialing a text came in from the same number giving me the address of the new location – an address in Long Island.

I suddenly realized that it would be too much of a coincidence for Craig and I to have such similar phone numbers – something I should have realized sooner. I am from the suburbs of Boston and my area code is 978. This is far from L.A. and NYC.

I called the AD. No answer, so I left a message. Then I texted him to let him know I wasn't Craig. I also mentioned I was a filmmaker in L.A. and was curious as to what they were shooting. He texted that it was "A music video for a hip hop artist named Maino". I looked up 'Maino' on Google. Then I asked, "Do you know Mike Dispenza by any chance?"

Mike is a director living in NYC that I went to school with. I got no immediate answer. So I Googled my friend's name alongside 'Maino'. Sure enough Google auto-completed Mike's name before I had the chance to and some links came up including both men. The AD texted, "Yeah, he's directing".

Mike and I had recently worked together on a couple music videos in L.A. and San Diego and somehow my name got on his new call sheet (most likely a 'Save As' and "Oops I forgot to change the info to the new guy" move).

I told him to say hello to Mike for me and then he responded with what I should have expected but didn't, "I will, what's your name bro?" I laughed out loud. "My name is Lauren."

He hadn't had a chance to listen to my voicemail where it would have been clear that I am of the female persuasion. After quickly thinking about my blog on feminism, I realized this interaction was a positive one. I knew that this guy would remember our interaction more because he had made a mistake, an assumption about me that even I have made about other women in the industry.

Since the ratio of men to women in the film world is so high, we naturally assume. It is an instinct and to stop it we have to pause and consider the other option. This is not something we do when in the middle of working, as we shouldn't have to.

The 2nd AD texted, "Ok lady lol, I hope I get to work w u one of these days. I'm Dave 'last name'". I told him, "Nice to meet you". Now, he may have been trying to be nice, he may have been tired of being around men all day and thought it was nice to talk to a female, or maybe he really wants to work with a female in this industry.

I have to see every conversation with someone in the industry as a door and I have to open that door and sometimes the door sticks for a moment and thinks you're a man. I have to adopt a certain mentality. I have to use the sticky door to my advantage and throw it open and stumble in like Cramer. That will lead me to success.

18. Feminism Blah Blah Blah

2011-07-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about feminism for a month since my last post (I do apologize) and I am almost running on empty. I think about it a lot, I live it a lot, but I can't seem to figure out what to talk about.

Feminism is one of those "Ough I don't want to touch that. It's rusty and still a bit too hot."

Yeah. It's a working, surviving tea kettle. It whistles but it's a long and soft whistle after all these years. When someone finally comes along it's only to pour one steaming cup and leave the rest of the water to rot away at the insides of the pot.

Though the water never boils away. It keeps filling itself generation after generation. But the teapot of the film world is small and its whistle is extremely low. Feminism here exists in soft puffs of steam powered by a faulty, electric burner.

But an appointment has been made to get that modern electric stove replaced with a more stable gas stove from a previous generation. This time, that stove will be used by the modern woman who strives to have whatever she pleases. She can't cook all that well, but she can make a mean pot of tea.

I think continuously about what this entertainment world would be like if every job was 50/50 men/women. My focus is on female directors, a bias based on a young woman's dream. I wonder what the movies would be like if there were 50% women directors. The director, in an ideal situation, has the most sway over the creative choices of the film. This starts after the script is written (unless the director is the writer as well) and ends with the editing and score. Women should be doing half of this work, just like parenting. Equal exposure for the good of the child, or of the world.

I would never argue that men or women are better for the job of directing but rather that a certain individual is best for a certain directing gig. The thing which is most important is that our culture be represented by the accurate ratio of living beings. This makes sense. If I were to be completely anal I would specify that the world has a high women to men ratio. But I won't bite off more than I can chew now.

The issue is what to do next. Talking (blah blah blah) is good for education on opinions and the experiences of others but that is just the beginning. Right now, the percentage of women directing professionally in Hollywood ranges from about 6-11%. My father and I have been running a small company called X-Factor Filmmakers for a few years but now our business model is changing. As I grow in my own career in the business, we don't have the capital to sustain a funding endeavor. More importantly, funding helps but the problem goes beyond a lack of money and more specifics need to be implemented.

This blog article touches on an interesting point about how women are viewed in professional worlds. While I think that this article, about the demeaning treatment of misunderstood or opinionated women, is interesting and probably accurate, it doesn't provide a solution. This is what tends to happen in feminism and why it gets pegged as whiny and annoying, even by women. If a feminist, like myself, can take a very focused approach she can evaluate the issue in great detail and figure out what can be done to combat it.

Rosa Parks had it down with her segregation boycot. She knew that segregation was an overarching issue but just took her own personal struggle and did what she knew was right. She sat where she should have the right to sit and her story exploded. A feminist in one part of the world or in one industry can inspire feminists all over the world by focusing on her own issues. In the end, everyone can relate. If there were more Kathryn Bigelow's then more young women would think, "Oh gee I can be a director too". This is how it all begins.

Well... so much for running on empty. I guess my pot is full and whistling.

Here we come...

Oh look, we've arrived.

Also speaking of tea, I discovered green tea while editing a feature project I worked on. It's wonderful and I believe it helps me sustain healthy eating habits. Maybe it just fills my tummy and keeps me from thinking about eating Goldfish. Either way, wonderful.

Photos from http://tparty.typepad.com/ and http://53news.blogspot.com/

17. 8mm movies + sellouts

2011-05-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today, I am alone on Memorial Day and discussing life with my boyfriend on Skype. He suggests that I go to the movies. I sometimes attend the movies alone and it's wildly romantic. It reminds me why I am out here, away from the ones I love, doing the insane.

Francis Ford Coppola seems to have a jovial, free-spirited and positive outlook on moviemaking. However, here he does show the contempt he feels toward the studio system. But there is a hope he has for the art of filmmaking. I have been thinking much about the two ideas of motion pictures: movies verses films. I tend to use these terms interchangeably and I don't care to look up their true definitions but 'movies' describe the entertaining "I feel like some buttery popcorn" type pictures while 'films' are typically the "I'm going to the theater alone to remember why I'm so hopelessly obsessed with this medium" type pictures.

Corey's lonely night at the movies idea led me to, "I cannot go to the movies now! I don't want to see Pirates IV alone!" Then I decided to check out the listings at my local Landmark Theater, my favorite independent theater company out there.

In high school I went to the Kendall Square Cinema with my father in Cambridge, MA and now I go to The Landmark on Pico Blvd in Los Angeles. At The Landmark for tonight I found a lot of showings for The Tree of Life. I have seen no advertising for this film amidst The Green Lantern and Pirates IV (which I will see, just not alone) posters and it made me think that art films just don't exist anymore. I have an overexposure to popular culture in Los Angeles that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. I and my friends are affected by the need to make money. In between applying for jobs we find the next project that will convince us to stay in Los Angeles and follow our dreams.

The art exists. IT DOES! Francis Ford knows that there will always be artists and they will always want to be heard. Of course, not all artists are good artists and the ones that are might even put their bad art up on YouTube just for the sheer need to be heard/seen. I personally almost fell into this trap when I promised myself I would write one blog per day to gain followers. Now, I have draft upon draft of bad blog ideas that have never been, and will never be, published.

Censorship is something I have come to see as my friend. I am the kind of director that will want to make a film when I'm good and ready and when I love the subject rather than jump into something that will make me unhappy for one reason or another, be it too much studio control, money hunger, etc... I say this now of course but if I sellout, I apologize, I might not have seen it coming.

I've said jokingly, while low on money, that I would sellout. But I do honestly believe that one can sellout with class. I think that J.J. Abrams might be the best director of our time to do this. He created LOST, sure, but he learned from those storytelling mistakes and created FRINGE (my favorite TV show right now). Start Trek was one of the best sci-fi/popular culture films of 2009. It had talented as well as good-looking actors and now, we are all looking forward to Super 8.

Which takes us back to Francis Ford and his so-called optimistic dream of the thousands of artists breaking free on YouTube. Yes, as he predicted, I think that YouTube has destroyed the professionalism of filmmaking (lol). But there are a select few artists who have taken the exposure opportunity and shown us their beauty. I'm sure we all know one or have a little fat girl from Ohio inside of us... I know I do.

Sellout.

16. The Daddy-Daughter Branding Dance

2011-05-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have a very creatively talented father.

My dad, Richard Tracy (and therefore Dick Tracy), owns a design firm in the Boston area called Cambridge Design Group (CDG). As a young girl I began consulting his firm. I would bring him little clay elephants I made by hand and he would ask me my opinion about the design work he was doing. I was an art student from a young age and my first professor was my father. I learned the importance of branding from an early age and many of my thoughts about my own work constantly circle back to branding.

BRAG

My dad recently won a 2011 American Web Design Award from Graphic Design USA. Damn Papa!

Today we still work together frequently and now I ask him to consult for my film work. Having parents who support my creative endeavors is beyond a blessing. It was one thing to drive seven hours to see me play soccer in college (yes my father did that often on the weekends), but it was another thing to encourage a 3,000 mile across the country drive to a foreign place with unknown results (yes he told me to go and he drove with me to L.A.).

We keep in touch and work mostly via Skype. He consults on my website design, my writing, rough edits, and the looks of my films. I consult on his design work and do copywriting for CDG ads, websites and brochures and consult with him about client branding. My roommate, Bridget, says she's never seen someone as excited about TV ads as I am (something I didn't realize was abnormal before living with her).

The biggest and best thing we have done together is X-Factor Filmmakers. It is a company that supports female filmmakers in a male dominated field. Moviegoing is our main form of major entertainment. This industry will not truly represent our culture until directing becomes more even among the sexes.

Now, I would like to show you the latest ad Dick Tracy and I worked on together. This is an interactive ad for CDG itself. It will do the very thing he stresses to his clients - it will promote the importance of advertising and marketing.

The ad links to his website where you can read a fascinating interview from a CEO my dad and CDG worked closely with on branding*. Their work resulted in a $55 million acquisition. Booyah.

*and you're going to get a free Starbuck gift card!

15. not mine, ours

2011-05-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

This film is not mine but it deserves to be seen. I found this on the Staff Picks of vimeo.com. It was directed by Ben Newman. Go Ben, go.

"WAR SCHOOL" by Ben Newman

14. The winter mockbuster. A trailer from Dick Tracy.

2011-04-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

My dad sent me this amazing video today. He worked on it all day yesterday while it was raining and there was nothing to do with the grandparents visiting for Easter back in Acton, MA.

He made the trailer in iMovie from the great arial footage he took on our Christmas trip to Lake Tahoe, CA. X-Factory Films is a mock-branch of our company X-Factor Filmmakers that supports directors and filmmakers of the female persuasion.

I am absolutely sure now, where I get my talent from.

13. Over the tongue + through the stomach to Grandma's bowels we go.

2011-04-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today on Skype, my mom told me she had a film idea for me. She went on to tell me about the doctor's appointment my grandmother had where he had her swallow a blinking pill-sized camera that recorded images of her insides. Mom! A sci-fi movie about the health problems of an old lady. Nice.

She went on to seriously talk about the future and that many technological developments could make great film ideas. My mom is an eyeball nurse or an ophthalmic nurse, as she calls herself, and when she talks about colonoscopies she uses the word 'rectum' where I would use butt. She does, however, have a fantastic sense of humor.

Today I became aware of my mother's fascination of sci-fi movies, something I previously didn't realize we shared. She also went on to show me the new trailer for "Rise of the Planet of the Apes", a movie with a title that shouldn't repeat "of the" twice, but that has unbelievable effects and James Franco. Imagine if your large dog had the intelligence of a human and was not your best friend. This film will be that but five times larger and 5,000 times worse.

I can't wait.

12. My Moving Résumé

2011-04-07T12:55:00.000-07:00

(Corey came up with the blog post title :)

Yesterday I needed to throw together my work to show someone for a possible music video directing gig. Here is a collection of my directing work set to "Dust Bowl Dance" by Mumford and Sons.

Films
427 Suitcases (Written and Directed by myself and Lindsey Timko)
Ben's Mom (Written and Directed by myself and Lindsey Timko)
The Unplanned Lesson (Written and Directed by myself)
Scene from Bad Lieutenant (directed as an exercise)
Spots
Doritos: "The Game"
Music Video
"Built Like a Botticelli" by Melanie Cruz

11. To manual or not to manual?

2011-04-04T00:34:00.000-07:00

I love robots and technology but I don't want to sit in a robot and ride it, I want to be the robot. I am leasing a 2010 Scion tC (silver, unfortunately they didn't have white or black) and I want a manual. I drove a manual Mazda 6 three years ago for a summer and I fell in love with shifting. I am living in L.A. now and so I asked some people I know, and some people I don't know, what they think about driving a stick in L.A.

MAN 1: "Traffic, always stop and go... and the hills!"
MAN 2: "I drove one for three years and after three years I was annoyed."
MAN 1: "If you are having any doubts, don't do it."
ROOMMATE: "Just remember... if we all go out in your car, you will be the only one who will know how to drive it home."

Well people... hills are formidable opponents but can also be considered wonderful challenges, my lease is only three years, and I don't have doubts–I just do my research. Oh and I never dra-drink. Besides, I can teach my friends how to drive stick. I want to have fun (sorry Civic, I don't find you winning).

Driving a manual makes me feel powerful. In a world where many things are automated, something I'm mostly okay with, I need some kind of control. I like to drive but I want to love to drive. The Scion dealership of Hollywood found one manual 2010 tC left in all of California–yeah okay, and no automatics. Oh, what's that you say... fate?

I may be shooting myself in the foot with this decision but if that's so, I can teach my roommate how to drive stick and she can drive my disabled ass around town.

How I feel while driving a stick

If I have to tell you who this is go back in time and forget about MTV.
Basic cable was the shit.

OWN. Yeah, that's the acronym of her new network.

The side pony-tail can feel it.

Sex.

In the desert... in my 5-speed... posing. Photo by Corey Hoffstein

Black + White. Powerful. Beautiful. Pure. Photo by Corey Hoffstein

To manual. That is the answer.

10. Coffee. With. K.B.

2011-03-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read the post "3. A Tall Hug: Kathryn Bigelow" please see that now. Then read on.

SO! Kathryn Bigelow, Oscar winning director of The Hurt Locker, is one of the people in Hollywood that I respect the most. Yesterday I sent her an email to thank her for being such a great person and remembering me at her Directors Guild tribute event.

Today she wrote back and... invited me for coffee to "strategize about the film biz".

What? Wait, what? Okay, yeah sure. I'm down.

Whatever. I don't even like coffee.

9. Show Not Tell

2011-03-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

I really don't want to write today but I do wish to share. The following is a scene I directed and edited from one of my most recent exercises. Practice, practice, practice.

Enjoy the lovely and talented working L.A. actors Christie Insley and Carlos Penuela. Music by The Black Keys.

Scene from the TV show "Rescue Me"

8. My Block is a White Wall.

2011-03-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

I am standing in front of a giant white wall. It's so perfectly white that when I look at it, I think I'm looking through it. If I cross my eyes it looks like vast open space that I could step into and frolic in. But when I jump forward I hit my face.

So I step back and look up. The wall is taller than I can make out. Behind me there is vast open space but I have no desire to go there. I've been there and I don't want to talk about it, or rather I could talk forever but it wouldn't be proper to give all it's secrets away to the world. In conclusion, writer's block is a bitch, and a white wall.

Yesterday and today I began four separate concepts that I could have talked for hours about on any other day. Now I have placed them in the shitter and all you get is a blank wall. I am painting these words on the white wall with wet black chalk that scratches in a way that is rather comforting, as if it is screaming at the vast space behind it to stay away from me. It's the wall's turn to sit here and help me identify what it is I need, what I want to find beyond the wall and what I will actually find.

When it discovers the start of my new path a door will appear and I will crawl through it and stand up on the other side. The white wall will warn me not to look back at it. It will give me a little comforting shove and whisper, "You can do it. I will be here when you need a block again".

Until this very moment I never saw writer's block as an opportunity. Thanks Wall. We will meet again someday.

7. My Little Gold Brick

2011-03-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

I met my roommate Bridget in Rochester, NY where a crew from L.A. was filming, Hamill. It was an indie flick out of L.A. and I was the Intern to the Producers and Bridget was the Wardrobe Assistant. She is from Upstate New York and I was attending the college where we were filming. In truth, when I first met Bridget I assumed she was a bitch. She didn't talk much and was extremely well-dressed.

At the wrap party we finally spoke and she was the one who began with, "So what are you doing after graduation?" I was going to L.A. and lo and behold, she was too. Over excitedly, she remarked, "We should live together!" I think I thought something like, "I don't really know you," and said something like, "Okay".

We kept in touch and moved in together in sunny California just three months later. When we go out on the town people ask us how we met and I tell them, "I don't really know her".

That last statement might be true. Bridget and I are very different. In many ways we don't get each other – maybe I shouldn't speak for her. I don't get her. Today we were talking about someone who I compared to a brick, closed off emotionally. She admitted that she is also a brick and I remarked, "You are worse! You're made out of something more dense like..." and simultaneously we spoke–

ME: "...like clay".
BRIDGET: "...like gold".

I laughed out loud and said, "I have to go blog".

Like I said, she is well dressed. Gold is something I would use to describe Bridget but, 'emotionally closed off like a gold brick' is missing the point I was trying to make. She bypassed the real question. Watch ladies and gentlemen! See how clever my little gold brick is.

Bridget is defined by hope. As I am sensible, she is hopeful. When she bounces off the tall thick walls of hope and, the opposite, of despair I reel her back to the middle with my sense. When I am swimming in unnecessary sensibility in a city without sense she gives me hope that I am great at what I do and tells me she will be living in my basement when I am married and rich. In an odd way, we couldn't be more perfect. We help each other, not only, survive but have fun the process.

I would take a shinny golden brick over a soft mud brick any day.

Image chosen by Bridget Colella.

6. "I like long walks on the beach as long as we can exchange business cards."

2011-03-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

I have been in Los Angeles for 14 months and I have been single for the last five. Dating in L.A. is unlike dating in Rochester, NY (where I went to college) or in Acton, MA (high school). Granted, in high school one doesn't do much dating but rather falls into a relationship, and in college I dated the first guy I was interested in. I haven't done much dating, as it were, but that life has surely begun for me here.

The breed of people in L.A. have a certain zest for life and a hunger for something or someone, or both. Barely any of us were literally bred here and so we are naturally a people of adventure and discovery, of vagabonds and seekers. Everyone is moving forward and moving up, or attempting to, and in this attempt often a significant other gets left in the dust.

Many of us are power hungry, creative people who need a muse. A love affair, a lust or even a breakup can drive us. We are all looking for something to feed or escape our professional lives. Therefore, we use each other. My observation and experience have been rough and tumble teachers in this city however, without them I would be doomed to dust in the wind.

Los Angeles is a fishbowl of selfish people. I say this as one of those people, as an understander of the mentality that I deserve more and will get to the top of the fishbowl and if I'm lucky enough, I will get out. You can only imagine a club on a Friday, Saturday or Tuesday. People around the bar look at the other people around the bar. Eyes meet, some eyes retreat but when conversations begin I know I am being sized up. For one of the more diverse cities in the world, it might also be one of the most judgmental. Even at play we are working for status and connections. After all, we exchange cards while dancing.

I had a day dream last weekend while at the fairly exclusive club Voyeur in West Hollywood. It's at least $350 to waltz in. That buys you and your friends a bottle and a table. Thank you sir, pass go and give me that cash. Otherwise for free you are allowed to wait outside for upwards of an hour, and so we did. Finally inside, my daydream went like this...

At that entry price I know there are people of some influence inside. As a film editor about to finish a film I was on the prowl for my next job. Theoretically, I could spend my weekends at places like this, get in for free, buy one drink and make friends with a group at a table. This would be best done through dancing. Then on to casual conversation all the while trying to redirect the subject toward what the person does for a living. Once I ask him, he will ask as well – unless it turns out he wants something else completely and totally unprofessional. I then sit at his table and discuss something of mutual interest and laugh. At the appropriate moment the business card can come out. I must be sure to get his contact because no one can expect anyone in this town to call, there's too many of us. After one night I will have a handful of phone numbers, emails and websites to check out and followup on. Typically it takes weeks or months for even the best of contacts to result in anything. So this club hopping would have to happen early and often.

This daydream lasted for all of about 5 seconds before my eyes went to a topless girl in a rope net climbing and crawling above me. I know that if I was ever in such dire need of a job I have a potential strategy other than Craigslist, and one most definitely more fun.

On the note of dating and filmmaking I was watching Pulp Fiction today and Christopher Walken's face really struck me at this moment.

And as always, so did Bruce's.

Over + out.

5. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, S-E-L-F

2011-03-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

A good and healthy life is built upon self respect. Cheesy... yes. True... yes. My mom shocked me back to life today by recognizing that the the most important thing to me is self respect. She said, "It drives everything you do". Thanks Mom – I know myself, at least for the rest of the day.

That being said, we shouldn't take it that seriously. The lovely internet gave me these images. Thanks Internet.

It says, "He sold his for hot, juicy burgers".

What happened?

Balls.

You can see it in her face.

I think this is what it looks like.

This came up when I googled it and I like it.
Naked self respect.

This ad came up next to my Facebook today and I wanted to say,
"Did it. Respect, Bitch".

4. That Doesn't Make Sense

2011-03-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

There are moments that every filmmaker, creative person or any person really, goes through where you are sitting on your cold kitchen floor writing on your warm computer going, "I don't want to be anywhere else, I feel like the kitchen floor and so I am on it". This is called a low.

In Los Angeles there seem to be many lows and yet also so many highs. Without these we feel numb. I thrive on these moments but I don't know how to take control of them. My thing, I've been told, is 'sense'. I must make sense of everything. I am sensible. I want to be a director so I will direct things. That makes sense. I love to play soccer, it makes me happy and even though it hurts my knee every time, I do it because it makes me, duh... happy. If I don't understand why someone is doing something I ask him. When he tells me he dosen't know I say, "That doesn't make any sense".

Without sense I am lost. However, as I was told by a wise man there is an opposite to every concept. The opposite of sense it craziness. I can be a loon when I lose myself in work, dancing, conversation, blogs... I find it thrilling to attempt to achieve one of the most difficult roles in the world – film director. Crazy. I want to do this thing, that makes no sense to any practical person who wants to make an honest living, and drag it to the other end of the Earth where it does, in fact, make sense to people that live there. I guess that is Los Angeles, for now. Once the news reaches the rest of the world I can take that dishonest living with me wherever I choose to go.

For now I will get up off the floor because that is only sensible. How else will I get to the party tonight that I was invited to on Facebook?

3. A Tall Hug: Kathryn Bigelow

2011-03-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

Screen in Theater 1 at the DGA
Shot from Bridget Colella's Blackberry

Angela Basset, Bill Paxton, Mark Boal, writer of The Hurt Locker, and many more spoke at Kathryn Bigelow's Directors Guild of America (DGA) tribute on Tuesday night. My roommate and I, possibly the youngest people in the house besides Bill Paxton's son who had braces, sat in the second row of the left wing of Theater 1. The podium was right in front of us and Bridget kept leaning over to me whispering with a smile, "How are we here?"

Just a few days before, I received a mass email and happened to respond to the the RSVP in time. I sent an email to Kathryn Bigelow's address, something I managed to get before The Hurt Locker made it big, to congratulate her but it bounced back. My connection to her had vanished like that!

So I printed my new and improved business cards and picked them up right before the event. Bridget and I soon found out that we couldn't get into the pre-tribute reception because we didn't have name tags. So we went across the street for some quick Asian food, it was surprisingly fresh and we joked that we might as well have been in the reception. We split a piece of gum, checked each other's teeth and went back.

We found our seats and watched as the "famous and friends" walked in and sat in reserved seats in the center section. Bill Paxton sat on the end across from our row and he made eye contact with my roommate an odd number of times.

Bridget said she imagined herself as a speaker talking about me at the podium but that it was different than this. Not only is Ms. Bigelow an Amazon woman, and I am not, but also I am not nearly as humble as she. Not one speaker could get through a speech without praising her nurturing and gently encouraging ways. I might have some of those qualities but I can't see myself saying, "Thank you" as many times as I witnessed come from her mouth.

Bridget said, "About 95% of the things they are saying are like you but... she [Ms. Bigelow] goes up there and is like," Bridget impersonates Kathryn Bigelow with a polite giggle, "and you would go up there and be like," Bridget belly laughs, loud and piercing. I told her I knew what she meant.

After the event people swarmed her, including me. I tried not to be that girl but after a while I thought, "What am I doing? I need to be that girl." I waited until she was escorted out by three men in black suits, not something that happened in 2008 when I first met her. The men shooed us aside and I watched her walk by me and I stood, silent.

Bridget came up to me and asked if I'd talked to her yet. I made and excuse and she said something that made me think I would lose her respect if I didn't grow some balls. So I walked up to Bigelow again. She passed me, again. I watched as a little blonde woman stopped her and then, I think I might have, ran up to them.

When the woman was finished I said, "Kathryn. Kathryn?" She turned and so did her men. "I don't know if you remember me but I met you two years ago at Harvard when you screened The Hurt Locker–" she said, "Oh yes! How is your dad?"

I about shit. She told me she really liked the short film I sent her a while back and to keep in touch. That was my – in. I told her that her email address had bounced... I saw her mind working for a reason to give me her new address. She found one, or she is just too polite to protect her own privacy, but she fired it off as she walked away with her mafia posse.

I have the worst memory, ask anyone who knows me well, and so couldn't even say goodbye for fear of forgetting the magic password. I wrote Kathryn Bigelow's email on a receipt from the Asian restaurant where I earlier deposed of that half a piece of gum.

I almost forget this every time but it is the best part: Right before I turned away and scribbled on the gum smeared scrap of paper, I opened my arms awkwardly... and hugged the very tall, Best Director.

Now read "10. Coffee. With. K.B.".

2. Everyday Should Be Today

2011-03-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

Today is International Women's Day. I am a feminist who runs a company with my dad called X-Factor Filmmakers. We encourage female film directors and raise money to help fund their projects. This is a baby company as of now but as my career grows so will the company.

When my friends see something or read something even remotely feminist they think of me and tell me so. You should see my Facebook wall today.

Quote for Today:

Susan B. Anthony said, "Our task is not to make women grateful, but to make them ungrateful."

There is a huge difference between learning about our inequalities and acting upon them. I aim to do somewhere in the middle while hopefully leaning toward the latter. I will not be focusing on feminism as a whole. My goal is to get more women in the film directing role in Hollywood and in the film capitals of the world. Plain and simple, the world's main source of entertainment is an unbalanced form of art. About 93% of directors, of the world's greatest visual storytellers, are men. Men are great, don't get me wrong, but that is wrong. It is a poor representation of our world and our cultures. When I am a director I will continue to encourage more to follow.

Tonight I am attending the Directors Guild of America's tribute event for Kathryn Bigelow, the only female to receive the Academy Award for Best Director. Since I met her in 2008, when The Hurt Locker was barely on anyone's radar screen, we have kept in touch. I haven't seen her since then so hopefully I will get a moment to talk with her.

I'll keep you posted.

1. The Good Old Days: Another Thriller

2011-03-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

This is just going to be a link to a guest blog entry I was asked to write on a friend's film blog. Her name is Anais Godard and she is a foxy French writer/director. I will be editing her short film The Good Old Days this spring. The ROOM, the thrilling short film on the bottom of my homepage, was the last project of hers that I also edited. Anais is looking to turn this new short into a feature so if you are an investor please check it out.

Enjoy... the making of The Good Old Days.